With the coming of the new year, I can’t help but reflect on the year that’s coming to an end. It seems like a trend on social media at the moment to compare yourself at the start and end of this decade but I feel like it’s this past year that’s been the most significant for me.
2019 saw the end of my four-year relationship and, most importantly, the unexpected passing of my dad.
It’s been a turbulent year in our house and not one that I’d like to repeat any time soon. There’s been a sense of loss hanging over me this year, for various reasons and its been unlike anything that I’ve experienced before. I won’t go into the grief aspect in much detail here (you can read about my experience with grief here, if you fancy), but 2019 has definitely been the lowest year on my record. I’ve struggled a lot with not feeling good enough, feeling powerless and genuinely not wanting to be here. However, beginning to come out of the other side, I can’t deny that loss, in the relationship and familial sense, has really taught me a lot. I feel that I’ve grown into a stronger, more capable person who is far more in touch with what I want out of life than ever before. I now strive to make the most out of life and the time that I have with the people I love which has made this festive season much more fulfilling, despite the sadness, and has really put a lot of things into perspective.
But, it would be wrong of me not to mention the good things that happened this year. I hit the one year anniversary of being a blogger and a bookseller (as well as being given control of my own section in the shop), my older brother proposed to his girlfriend and they asked me to be a bridesmaid in their wedding, and, perhaps most touchingly, I got to see the kindness in humanity during my experience of grief and was reminded of just who my friends are.
So, here’s to a kinder 2020. A year where we’re kinder to ourselves and to each other, where we value those around us and strive to make the world a more positive place.
Wishing you all the best for the new year, and the new decade, in the hope that there’s lots of wonderful things to come.
So, how was 2019 for you? Do you have any hopes for the new year? I’d love to know!